Six Christmases and it's finally over!

Friday, December 28, 2012


Remember that movie Four Christmases?  The one with Reese Witherspoon and Vince Vaughn?  Well, my family has them beat!  We have six Christmases and the last one ended today.

My kids are under the impression that Christmas begins around mid-December only to finally end around December 30th.  Now, I'm sure you're fully aware that with Christmas comes gifts.  A ludicrous amount of gifts.  Forget Jesus's birthday, the season for giving, and everything else that goes along with the holiday.  My Christmas is about attending six, count 'em, six different festive events!  Along with this comes six gluttonous meals, six loads of presents and six car trips.

Christmas number one was on December 16th this year at my father in law's.  The large meal was Subway sandwich platters because my step mother in law claims she has the oldest stove on record since moving into their new house.  (It's old, like circa 1985.  It could be older.) Next onto the gifts.  My father in law buys the toys and Jennifer (it's strange calling her my MiL) was in charge of the clothes.  She always hits the nail on the head with the clothes.  This year she even threatened to beat up an old lady in Kohl's over Diary of a Wimpy Kid pajamas.  My father in law, Mike, on the other hand buys the noisiest fucking toys around!  Multiple fire trucks complete with working sirens!  He also purchased a microphone that somehow got "misplaced" after a few minutes of use.  It's always great to see my in laws and this fiesta went out with a bang when my niece drove her remote control Dale Earnhardt Jr. car right into the nativity scene.  Take that Jesus!  What'd you think it was your birthday or something?

Parties number two, three and four are my side of the family.  My parents are still married and I have only one brother.  So you ask, "Why do you have three Christmas parties?"  One with my mom's family, one with my dad's family and one with just my nice, small family.  By now we had gifts coming out our ass. I was the lame-ass aunt and I bought my new little niecey nugget a car seat.  She's only four months old, so it's ok.  Luckily BJ and my boys came through and bought her a kick ass butterfly rocker.

Next comes Santa!  Now Santa did something he told me he would never do.  He brought my children a Power Wheels.  Damn him! I really dislike them.  Although it was quite comical when my oldest ran BJ's foot over multiple times.  Get out of the way you moron!  Even funnier was when I realized I could drive it.  That is until my neighbor began mocking me from his window.

Last but not least, Christmas with my mother in law and step father in law.  My mother in law always brings my kids books and pajamas.  Bless her. We had Panera, visited with them and all was quiet.

As our three week Christmas run comes to an end—I can't say I'll miss it.

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